How To Kill A Zombie

I’m sure you’ve seen numerous movies featuring zombies and in those movies you’ve seen more than enough ways depicting how to kill a zombie. But, unfortunately, it’s not as easy as Hollywood makes it look like. Sure, the basic principles are always the same: remove the head or destroy the brain.

However, there is one small problem: Do you have any idea how frikkin’ hard it is to do that? Let’s focus on the removal of the head part first. Decapitating someone requires a significant amount of strength, accuracy and, of course, an appropriate tool.

Unless you have a katana or a machete, you’ll have a hell of a job trying to cut through skin, muscle and bone. An axe is the next best thing you could find in your tool shed that would get the job done. A shovel could also be used in that purpose but it’s not ideal; you would have to push the creature on its back in order to cut through its neck in one fatal blow.

How To Kill A Zombie

Now, the other part of the zombie killing premise: destroying the brain. In performing this task, you’ll also need a specific tool, strength and excellent precision. Best access points to the brain are the eyes and ears but they do not guarantee a kill shot. Of course, we are talking about melee attacks. If you have a high powered rifle or a quality pistol, just aim between the eyes and don’t lose any sleep over it. But, in order to penetrate the skull using an ice-pick, knife or even a screwdriver, you’ll need some skill and knowledge.

Experts believe that Solanum (the virus that causes the re-animation of the dead), resides in the frontal lobe from where it controls the basic motor functions for an undead copse to operate. Therefore, the goal should be to pentrate the frontal lobe destroying braincells in that specific area. Another way of killing a zombie is by bludgeoning. Here, you do not need have any special tools, a simple rock would do if used properly. The goal is to simply beat the brain into a pulp. For this, the main requirement, besides strenght, is a strong stomach as you will be forced to see, hear and smell a human brain splatter all over you.

How to kill a zombie – the WRONG way?

The biggest error anyone could do when fighting zombies in a face to face combat is setting them on fire. Unlike humans, zombies do not feel pain or discomfort. Therefore, setting them on fire just turns them in big, running torches that could ignite you, your friends and your outpost. Sure, it will kill them eventually, when they burn beyond recognition, but at what cost?! And just think of the smell of burnt, rotten flesh!!

If you have to throw something at them, throw acid on them. At least they won’t set anything on fire and it just might melt their brains. Another useless thing is gas. They do not breathe, have no respiratory functions and can live under water for a very long time, until they decompose.

The last thing we’ll mention is more of a tip for you if you’re a firearms lover. Switch them to semi-auto! There is nothing worse than squandering your ammunition on full automatic bursts against zombies. Just steady yourself, take aim and BAM!, right between the eyes! No need for a lead rain.

So, remember: WHEN IN DOUBT, DECAPITATE!

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