Zombie Diary!

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In early 2010. a friend of ours brought us a blackberry he bought in a  pawn shop a couple of days before.

He bought the phone mostly for parts and didn’t expect it work  but tried it anyway.

To his his excitement, the phone powered up.

After a few minutes of flickering through the phone’s menu, he stopped at he folder labeled “diary”.

Perv that he is (as most of our friends are), he opened the file immediately.  This is what he read:

September 15th 2008. 10:52 AM

I just found out I’m going on a fishing trip this week with my father-in-law and my brother-in-law. Fuck yeah! I hate fishing!

11:16 AM

I mean really, who goes fishing!? I have to buy stupid fishing equipment and stuff.

12:42 PM

I almost had an accident on the parking lot! This just keeps getting better and better!

1:10 PM

I just bought 300$ worth of fishing junk.  Yaaay!

3:22 PM

We leave tomorrow at 5 A.M. Aaargh!

10:30 PM

I’m packed and ready for bed. It’s only 10:30 for chrissake!

11:42 PM

I sneaked off to light up a joint, it’ll help me sleep.

1:30 AM

Great! It’s  1:30 A.M. and I’m not sleepy at all. I just keep think about tomorrow and the goddamn trip.

September 16th 2008. 4:15 AM

Oh God! I don’t think I ever got up this early.

4:23 AM

It’s dark and cold and wet outside. I just wanna crawl back inside my bed…

5:06 AM

And we’re off! Three and a half hour drive.

9:01 AM

Just arrived at the cabin. It’s smelly and damp and old as shit! Plus it looks kinda like the one from Evil Dead. Oh joy!

9:12 AM

Gotta unpack first. Alcohol later.

8:56 PM

It’s been raining for 12 hours straight. Thank God for Internet!

10:18 PM

This male bonding shit is fun! I think I’m drunk!

11:42 PM

Yep! Defintkley drumk..

September 17th 2008., 10:51 AM

I just woke up and found myself alone in this awful cabin. It sure is quiet here.

10:55 AM

The car is gone and they’re not by the river. They probably went to town. Might as well watch some porn on my laptop.

3:05 PM

It’s been three hours and still no sign of them. I found a pretty decent bicycle in the shed. I think I’ll go take a look around.

3:57 PM

OMG!! OMG! Oh my fucking God!! What the fuck is going on!?

3:59 PM

I have a virus on my computer! How did this happen?  I’m gonna have to scan the whole thing, it’ll take hours!

4:02 PM

At least i won’t have to go look for my in-laws,  somebody’s banging on the door!

4:39 PM

Well, I just killed my first zombie. Simple as that.  Just chopped his head off with a wood axe. I think I’m gonna go vomit now.

4:55 PM

Just noticed that i have no reception on my cell phone. So, it looks like the apocalypse has started.

5:18 PM

I popped my head outside and saw my decapitated guest still lying there on the front porch. Guess I’m gonna have to clean it up.

6:20 PM

Just picked up the mutilated remains and buried them by the shed. I think I’m gonna go vomit now.

7:11 PM

It’s getting dark fast in these fucking woods.  I’m  gonna have to barricade myself in for the night. Thank God I watched so many movies!!

10:55 PM

I’m turning in for the night. Not sure if i’ll be able to sleep tough. If only i had some weed!

2:47 AM

It’s now 2:47 A.M. and there are two undead fuckers outside. I think they didn’t spot me.  After all, I am hiding  under the bed.

September 18th 2008., 7:50 AM

I made it till the morning! But now what? They are still out there. I’ll have to be smart about this!

8:11 AM

Okay,  i found a gun in my father-in-law’s backpack. Some sort of Magnum. Will come in handy.

9:02 AM

It took me five bullets to kill them from point blank range. Not too proud of that but hey,  they’re dead.

9:44 AM

I have to start packing and get the fuck out of here!  Gonna take the bike and head into town. Not the smartest idea i know but i can’t pedal my way home. It’s like 5000 miles!

10:08 AM

More like 145 miles (just checked the map). Well, the packing is all done. All i need now is a pair of brass balls.

10:22 AM

This is it. I’m heading out. So, the plan is to take the bike  to town and basically wing it from there. Good plan!

11:36 AM

God damn it, i’m bleeding. Fuck! I fell off the fucking bike. Luckily, I’m at this abandoned gas station just outside the town. If I only knew how to hot wire a car!

11:54 AM

Well, who needs to know how to hot wire a car when you can simply blow off the owner’s head with your Magnum and take his keys!? Loving this zombie apocalypse!

12:31 AM

I just saw the most fucked up, disturbing, twisted shit ever! Three zombies devouring a pregnant lady.  This is not fun anymore! I have to get the hell out of here!

1:13 PM

The town is crawling with these fuckers! What was i thinking!? As far as I can see, there are no living people here. Got to get to the water tower so I can take a better look.

1:36 PM

Just heard a gunshot!  I’m heading towards them.

1:48 PM

Ran out of bullets! Killed four of them. I’m afraid it’s going to get a lot messier around here.

2:07 PM

This axe is a really lousy weapon. It got stuck inside a lunch-lady’s neck (I’m cutting across the school yard) and it took me forever to get it out. The gunshots are getting closer and more frequent.

2:23 PM

Oh man, I can’t do this! I’m looking through a window at a classroom full of little zombie fuckers, no more than 10 years old, eating their school teacher.

2:44 PM

The battery on my blackberry is almost dead and I still can’t find a way out of this goddamn school. The gunshots stopped.

3:22 PM

It starting to rain heavily outside, looks like i’m spending the night in detention. Saving battery…

September 19th, 2008. 08:39 AM

It’s the army! Oh, thank God! I can see them at the end of the street. They have set up a road block. Only problem is that there are about 70 zombies between us!

8:46 AM

I have to find a way to signal the army. But if I do that, I’ll blow my cover.

9:18 AM

This stupid bait shop I’m hiding in is useless. There’s nothing here but worms! I’ll check the back.

9:33 AM

I found a waste basket, filled it with paper and plastic, hopefully it’ll make a smoke bomb.

9:38 AM

It worked! They saw me! I’m saved!

10:01 AM

It’s been 20 minutes. I’m sure they’re fighting their way through! The gunshots can be heard  nonstop now.

10:26 AM

45 minutes passed. I’m going to the roof to see what’s taking them.

12:47 AM

It’s all over. I saw their last stand. It was not a barricade, it was a bunker and they were surrounded. There are at least a couple hundred ghouls out there.

1:44 PM

I have decided to burn down the store. Hopefully, the reinforcements are coming and they’ll see the smoke.

3:12 PM

A fucker just bit me! He rammed the back door and jumped me from behind. Bit me right on the shoulder. I killed him but what’s the point?

3:28 PM

I am about to throw a match in a pool of gasoline I’m standing in. This is al

It appears that those were his last words. We were unable to locate the person in question or find out anything about the incident.

And I’m afraid it will stay a mystery, unless another blackberry pops up somewhere else…

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